Figuring It Out as I Go

Nobody hands you a playbook when you become a dad. There’s no step-by-step guide that tells you how to raise good kids, keep your sanity, pay the bills, and somehow still feel like your own person at the end of the day. I’ve learned that fatherhood is a lot like detailing cars—every job, every day, every kid is different. You do the best you can with what you’ve got, and you try to stay consistent.

I’ve got kids who look up to me, a job that takes up most of my energy, and a past that shaped me into who I am. I’m proud to be a hands-on dad, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard sometimes. There are days where I feel like I’ve got nothing left in the tank. But what I’ve come to realize is that raising good kids doesn’t mean giving up everything about yourself—it means showing up as your best self, even when you’re tired or unsure.

Lessons from My Own Dad

My dad was my soccer coach growing up. He wasn’t the loudest or flashiest coach, but he showed up—every practice, every game, rain or shine. He taught me how to lead by example and what it meant to be part of a team. I think that’s where I learned that being a good father isn’t about saying the right things all the time—it’s about doing the right things, even when no one’s watching.

Now I try to be that for my kids. I don’t always get it right. I lose my temper sometimes. I get distracted. I get overwhelmed. But I try to be present. Whether it’s taking them swimming, watching a game together, or just talking in the car—I make those little moments count. Because I know from my own childhood, those are the moments that stick.

The Balance No One Talks About

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about being a dad: if you give everything to your family and forget to take care of yourself, you start to fall apart. I’ve been there. You stop doing the things that bring you peace. You stop seeing your friends. You forget what it feels like to just breathe without a to-do list in your head.

It took me a while to understand that taking time for myself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Whether I’m out in the garage detailing a car or watching a game alone, those moments recharge me. They help me show up better for my kids. Because when I take care of my own mental and physical health, I have more to give them—not just energy, but patience, attention, and presence.

Teaching by Doing

I’ve never been the type to lecture my kids. I try to teach through action. If they see me working hard, treating people with respect, helping someone in need—they’ll pick up on that. I watched my own parents do that every day, running a childcare center, helping families who didn’t have much, donating to food pantries, and quietly giving back without ever asking for credit.

That stuff matters. I want my kids to grow up kind, strong, and aware of the world around them. So I include them. We talk about real things. We volunteer together when we can. And I let them see me struggle too—because life isn’t perfect, and pretending it is doesn’t help anyone. I want them to know that being a good person doesn’t mean being flawless—it means being honest, resilient, and caring.

Keeping Your Identity

It’s easy to get wrapped up in being “Dad” and forget who you are as a man. I’ve seen a lot of guys lose themselves that way. I’ve had moments where I forgot to dream for myself because I was so focused on everyone else. But I’ve learned that your kids actually benefit when you have goals of your own. When they see you learning something new, working toward a dream, or doing something just because you love it—that shows them how to live fully.

For me, that means staying sharp at work, taking pride in detailing, maybe even dreaming about opening my own shop one day. It means keeping up with the sports I love, playing outside with my kids, and still making time for my own friends and hobbies. That’s not being selfish—that’s being whole.

What Really Matters

At the end of the day, I want to raise kids who are kind, confident, and grounded. Kids who treat others well, work hard, and know that their dad loves them no matter what. But I also want to stay true to who I am. Because I believe the best way to raise good humans is to show them what it looks like to be one.

So no, I don’t have it all figured out. I’m learning as I go. Some days are smoother than others. But I wake up each morning ready to try again. I show up. I listen. I try to do right by my kids—and by myself.

That’s what real fatherhood looks like to me. Not perfect. Not polished. Just present, honest, and full of love. And to me, that’s enough.